Silent Does Not Equal Sleep
We all know that one mom who proudly shares how her baby sleeps through the night—thanks to the Cry It Out (CIO) method. She says it only took a week, the tears stopped, and now her baby sleeps peacefully all night long.
To any sleep-deprived parent running on fumes, that sounds like a dream. More than three hours of uninterrupted sleep? No endless rocking or patting? It’s tempting.
From outside the nursery door, it looks simple. The baby cried, the baby learned, and now the baby sleeps.
But what if we take a look from the other side of that door?
What Really Happens When a Baby "Sleeps Through the Night" With CIO
A baby's cries are their only way to communicate their needs—hunger, discomfort, loneliness, or even just the need for comfort. When a baby is left to cry and those signals go unanswered, something powerful happens in their brain: they stop signaling, not because they’ve learned to sleep, but because they’ve learned that no one is coming.
This is called survival mode. The baby still wakes up at night (just like all humans do), but they’ve learned not to cry. Instead of feeling secure enough to express their needs, they suppress them.
The Science Behind Cry It Out
While CIO may reduce crying after a few nights, research shows that it does not improve a baby’s overall sleep quality or ability to self-soothe in the long run. Some studies suggest that CIO can increase cortisol (the stress hormone) levels, affecting a baby's emotional regulation and attachment security.
A 2012 study published in Early Human Development found that while babies undergoing sleep training stopped crying externally, their cortisol levels remained elevated, indicating internal stress (Middlemiss et al., 2012).
Research in Child Development showed that babies who had their needs met promptly and consistently developed more secure attachments, which later translated into greater independence, emotional regulation, and resilience as they grew up (Groh et al., 2014).
A long-term study published in Psychological Science found that infants with secure attachments tend to have lower stress levels, stronger social relationships, and even higher academic success later in life (Sroufe, 2005).
The Benefits of Responsive Parenting
Instead of CIO, responsive parenting—where caregivers consistently meet a baby's needs—has been shown to have lifelong benefits.
✅ Better Emotional Regulation – Babies who receive consistent comfort learn how to regulate stress and manage emotions better as they grow (Gunnar & Donzella, 2002).
✅ Stronger Parent-Child Bond – Securely attached infants tend to have better relationships with their parents and others in childhood and adulthood (Ainsworth et al., 1978).
✅ Increased Independence – Contrary to the belief that responding to a baby’s needs makes them "clingy," research shows that securely attached babies become more independent and confident as they grow (Sroufe, 2005).
✅ Lower Anxiety and Depression Risks – Children with secure early attachments are less likely to develop anxiety or depression later in life (Cassidy et al., 2013).
✅ Improved Sleep Over Time – Babies who feel safe and secure develop better sleep habits naturally as their brains mature, without the need for sleep training (Weinraub et al., 2012).
What CIO Really Teaches Babies
🚫 CIO doesn’t teach babies to sleep—it teaches them to stop calling for help.
🚫 CIO doesn’t build security—it teaches babies to self-isolate.
🚫 CIO doesn’t lead to "independent" sleep—it leads to silent wake-ups without comfort.
You Can’t Spoil a Baby—But You Can Reassure Them
So next time the mom down the street tells you that CIO worked wonders, you’ll know what really happened. You’ll know that responsive parenting doesn’t "ruin" sleep—it builds trust.
If you choose to respond to your baby’s needs, to comfort them when they cry, and to reassure them that they are safe, you’re not failing. You’re parenting.
Your baby will sleep through the night one day, when they’re developmentally ready. And when they do, they’ll know that no matter what, you are always there for them. 🖤
